Piece of Humble Pie?

Tonight I was scheduled to sing at a Baby Dedication for my church in front of a couple hundred folks. The song: Legacy, by Nichole Nordeman. I practiced and learned it for two weeks. I made it there early tonight and rehearsed it with the band...oh....maybe 6 times. I was set. I was a bit concerned that I would mix up a couple of the words. But...I had practiced & prepared so I was sure the Lord was going to get me through it.

Just before walking out on stage...I rehearsed the words over and over in my mind. The keyboard player had been playing another song...and I was to start right away after that. The worst happens. The beginning of the song is my voice only, then music. I started in the wrong key and wrong octave.

Okay. "breathe. you'll get"...i kept telling myself.

Wrong.

Okay...after the first two verses, it wasn't coming to me. Finally. I got it...made it through. My eyes were closed the entire time. I walked off the stage and out the door.

Mortified? Yes. Humiliated? Absolutely. Cried on the phone with Daniel the whole way home. How in the world could I have possibly messed up the key? Then freak out and not get back on track? It was just one song.

What went through my mind afterward....'People are going to remember this moment...I'll never get another chance to make that up and prove that I can do it....I let everyone on staff and the families down.' Right or wrong..this was my train of thought.

So....I ask myself. Lord, what am I supposed to learn from this humiliating experience? I practiced, prepared and was ready for this. Well...Pastor said a couple of weeks ago when he was chatting with his son, and his son's response to one of his questions was, "Because I just did." I guess that would be my response. Because I just did. Wasn't intentional, couldn't change it now even if I wanted to.

Sometimes no matter how hard we prepare and practice for something.....it may just turn out to be one big mess. It can leave you feeling helpless, humiliated and frustrated. I think the Lord wants us, even in those times to humble ourselves before him and be reminded. He is Lord of all. No matter what we do and no matter how good our intentions are, we can mess things up. But he is God and author of all things.

I leave it to him to restore my soul on this one...and one day, I pray I can laugh about this mortifying and humbling experience.